48 posts from 2008

Crappy-cold-accident-inducing weather. :( Thai food and tea with Les was quite lovely though.

A Saturday AND Sunday off during the holiday season...I'm THAT good. Of course my first day back is a 12 hour day. :( Long and uber boring. [Next Monday will be 13 hours, gotta LOVE those extended mall hours.]

Ugh, what's going on? Why do I feel the need to know what's going on, when it's really none of my business? Stupid girl feelings.

Gotta let go of the things I can't control.

The mall being open until 10PM during the week is DUMB. No one is out that late shopping. Next week maybe. What a waste of payroll and resources. And don't tell me it's extra money in my pocket because I'd get the same amount of hours either way. It just means I won't get home until later.

My Ex's wedding was beautiful. I'm glad that he's found someone. I'm just a wee bit jealous.

"...it's such a sweet memory/baby of you and me/and how we used to be/beautifully young/sometimes I just sit and smile/thinking about you for awhile/wondering how you and I/it's such a sweet memory...you were so funny/had me in stitches/and now any man I date/must make me laugh/kissed me in places...you were so sweet...you saw the good in me/even talked about marrying me/the future we tried to see...would we still have the same chemistry..."

Warm, toasty crocheted hats for sale. Really I'd make them for free if people just provided the yarn, but if someone wants to pay for them, that's fine too. Hey I've got bills today and the extra money ALWAYS helps. 

Watching Common dancing with Ellen makes me want to dance with him. Grab his hand, pull him to the dance floor and dance and laugh and have a good time.

Wow! An order for 100 cards. Seriously? I can dig it. Glad I let Duwayno take those cards to shop them around, even though it was a bit hard to part with them. For those of you who didn't know...I make greeting cards. They're pretty awesome and special.

It's like the opportunities are just falling from the sky. I like it. Gotta make sure I get my ducks in a row and do it right though. Funny thing...I wrote myself a check (recommended from my readings of the Law of Attraction) and things are starting to happen. I need to go back and reread those books. More positive thoughts and positive actions. It really DOES work.

Jerks...sending my settlement via eCheck so I can't go on my mini shopping spree. My coupons better be valid by the time the check clears.

*deep heavy irritated sigh* I don't get why some people are so caught up with appearances. Why is it inappropriate for two friends to have lunch together? Yes, my friend has a significant other, but if the relationship is as secure as he says it is, then what's the problem? It's just lunch. We'll eat and talk, probably talk more about business than anything else. But why is it okay for him to give me a ride home late at night? People can see us leave together and know that he's taking me home, but it's not okay for anyone to see us sitting together having a meal? I don't get it. Can someone please explain why this is inappropriate? One person thinks it could be because he digs me...highly unlikely, but...I am quite charming and beautiful. 

Let go. Let go. Let go.

"...baby let's get closer tonight/grant my last request/and just let me hold you/don't shrug your shoulders/lay down beside me/sure I can't except we're going no where/but one last time let's go there/lay down beside me/I've found that I'm bound/to wander down that lonely road/and I realize all about your lies/but I'm no wiser than the fool I was before/I just want you closer/is that alright/baby let's get closer tonight...tell how can this be wrong/grant my last request/and just let me hold you..."

Why do I keep thinking it's Friday? Christmas needs to go ahead and just come and go so that we can get to New Year's and have the holidays be over.

I think I need to find someone who is anti-Christmas as well and see if they want to go out for Chinese that day or Thai.

Why am I so tired all the time? It seems like I've been feeling like this for the past couple of months. Six hours of sleep used to be fine, now eight or nine hours of sleep isn't even enough. What's going on?

I need a LBD (little black dress). I'm growing into the dressing up phase. Don't get me wrong I still love my t-shirts, hoodies, jeans and sneakers. I'm just liking to occasionally switch things up and surprise people. Get out of the rut and grab some attention.

For it to be winter, my skin still has a lovely tan. I'm usually starting to get quite pasty by now.

My chest and tummy ache when I see/hear information about him that isn't quite to my liking. What is that? Why do I care about him that much?

"...hands down/I'm too proud for love/so with eyes shut/it's you I'm thinking of/but how do we move from A to B/it can't be up to me/cause I don't know/eye to eye/thigh to thigh/I let go/I think I'm a little bit/a little bit/a little bit in love with you/but only if you're a little bit/little bit/little bit/in la la la la love with me...and for you I keep my legs apart/and forget about my tainted heart/and I will never ever be the first to say it/but still game over/I would do it/ push a button/pull a trigger/climb a mountain/jump off a cliff/cause you know babe/I love I love you a little bit...come here/stay with me/stroke me by the head/I would give anything anything/to have you as my man...little bit/little bit/little bit in love with you/but only if you're a little bit/little bit/little bit in love with me..."

Two weeks notice. I don't think I've ever put in two weeks notice.

Sometimes I think the kid has a crush on me. Either that or he's just really, really nice. Dinner, dessert, etc. and then when I try to return the favor...it's no, no I don't need anything don't worry about me. That and it's been mentioned that when I'm off he talks about me. Oy.

You girls really need to get over your insecurities. I'm not trying to steal your man.

"Well I know I'm getting an iPod and if I'm don't I'm going to be pissed." -bratty teenage girl talking to her mother. Really??? Is that what Christmas is about? I wanted to turn around and smack her. Brat. One of the few reasons I don't celebrate. 

Is Christmas over yet?

"...last Christmas/I gave you my heart/but the very next day/you gave it away/this year to save me from tears/I'll give it to someone special..." I don't know this is my favorite Christmas song, but it is.

Must start working on that goals/affirmations list for the new year. No resolutions. And the winter wish list.

All of a sudden I can't decide what I want for my new ink. *sigh* 

Looking, looking, looking for a kitchen table. Must get one soon so I can get to work.

Wishing, hoping, dreaming...him. A girl can dream can't she. I'm in a sappy love song mood. *hmmph*

"...what would it take/to show you what you mean to me/every word I say/let's you know that you complete me/I'd paint your name in stars/I'd be all that you'd want in life/if given me the chance/I know I'd make the perfect wife/the way I feel about you/is more complex than the words I say/the reason I feel this way/I wanna do for you/it's easy to say I love you/so the truth of my love shall reveal/this feeling I have inside/I wanna do for you/can't you see true love/it's staring you right in your eyes/I've given you so much/your heart I'd never compromise/we've been through all the rights and wrongs in life/together we'll keep getting by/so now it's up to you/I want to be that perfect wife..."

Crappy-cold-accident-inducing weather.  :(  Thai food and tea with Les was quite lovely though.

A Saturday AND Sunday off during the holiday season...I'm THAT good.  Of course my first day back is a 12 hour day.  :(  Long and uber boring. [Next Monday will be 13 hours, gotta LOVE those extended mall hours.]

Ugh, what's going on?  Why do I feel the need to know what's going on, when it's really none of my business?  Stupid girl feelings.

Gotta let go of the things I can't control.

The mall being open until 10PM during the week is DUMB.  No one is out that late shopping.  Next week maybe.  What a waste of payroll and resources.  And don't tell me it's extra money in my pocket because I'd get the same amount of hours either way.  It just means I won't get home until later.

My Ex's wedding was beautiful.  I'm glad that he's found someone.  I'm just a wee bit jealous.

"...it's such a sweet memory/baby of you and me/and how we used to be/beautifully young/sometimes I just sit and smile/thinking about you for awhile/wondering how you and I/it's such a sweet memory...you were so funny/had me in stitches/and now any man I date/must make me laugh/kissed me in places...you were so sweet...you saw the good in me/even talked about marrying me/the future we tried to see...would we still have the same chemistry..."

Warm, toasty crocheted hats for sale.  Really I'd make them for free if people just provided the yarn, but if someone wants to pay for them, that's fine too.  Hey I've got bills today and the extra money ALWAYS helps.  

Watching Common dancing with Ellen makes me want to dance with him.  Grab his hand, pull him to the dance floor and dance and laugh and have a good time.

Wow!  An order for 100 cards.  Seriously?  I can dig it.  Glad I let Duwayno take those cards to shop them around, even though it was a bit hard to part with them.  For those of you who didn't know...I make greeting cards.  They're pretty awesome and special.

It's like the opportunities are just falling from the sky.  I like it.  Gotta make sure I get my ducks in a row and do it right though.  Funny thing...I wrote myself a check (recommended from my readings of the Law of Attraction) and things are starting to happen.  I need to go back and reread those books.  More positive thoughts and positive actions.  It really DOES work.

Jerks...sending my settlement via eCheck so I can't go on my mini shopping spree.  My coupons better be valid by the time the check clears.

*deep heavy irritated sigh*  I don't get why some people are so caught up with appearances.  Why is it inappropriate for two friends to have lunch together?  Yes, my friend has a significant other, but if the relationship is as secure as he says it is, then what's the problem?  It's just lunch.  We'll eat and talk, probably talk more about business than anything else.  But why is it okay for him to give me a ride home late at night?  People can see us leave together and know that he's taking me home, but it's not okay for anyone to see us sitting together having a meal?  I don't get it.  Can someone please explain why this is inappropriate?  One person thinks it could be because he digs me...highly unlikely, but...I am quite charming and beautiful.  

Let go.  Let go.  Let go.

"...baby let's get closer tonight/grant my last request/and just let me hold you/don't shrug your shoulders/lay down beside me/sure I can't except we're going no where/but one last time let's go there/lay down beside me/I've found that I'm bound/to wander down that lonely road/and I realize all about your lies/but I'm no wiser than the fool I was before/I just want you closer/is that alright/baby let's get closer tonight...tell how can this be wrong/grant my last request/and just let me hold you..."

Why do I keep thinking it's Friday?  Christmas needs to go ahead and just come and go so that we can get to New Year's and have the holidays be over.

I think I need to find someone who is anti-Christmas as well and see if they want to go out for Chinese that day or Thai.

Why am I so tired all the time?  It seems like I've been feeling like this for the past couple of months.  Six hours of sleep used to be fine, now eight or nine hours of sleep isn't even enough.  What's going on?

I need a LBD (little black dress).  I'm growing into the dressing up phase.  Don't get me wrong I still love my t-shirts, hoodies, jeans and sneakers.  I'm just liking to occasionally switch things up and surprise people.  Get out of the rut and grab some attention.

For it to be winter, my skin still has a lovely tan.  I'm usually starting to get quite pasty by now.

My chest and tummy ache when I see/hear information about him that isn't quite to my liking.  What is that?  Why do I care about him that much?

"...hands down/I'm too proud for love/so with eyes shut/it's you I'm thinking of/but how do we move from A to B/it can't be up to me/cause I don't know/eye to eye/thigh to thigh/I let go/I think I'm a little bit/a little bit/a little bit in love with you/but only if you're a little bit/little bit/little bit/in la la la la love with me...and for you I keep my legs apart/and forget about my tainted heart/and I will never ever be the first to say it/but still game over/I would do it/ push a button/pull a trigger/climb a mountain/jump off a cliff/cause you know babe/I love I love you a little bit...come here/stay with me/stroke me by the head/I would give anything anything/to have you as my man...little bit/little bit/little bit in love with you/but only if you're a little bit/little bit/little bit in love with me..."

Two weeks notice.  I don't think I've ever put in two weeks notice.

Sometimes I think the kid has a crush on me.  Either that or he's just really, really nice.  Dinner, dessert, etc. and then when I try to return the favor...it's no, no I don't need anything don't worry about me.  That and it's been mentioned that when I'm off he talks about me.  Oy.

You girls really need to get over your insecurities.  I'm not trying to steal your man.

"Well I know I'm getting an iPod and if I'm don't I'm going to be pissed."  -bratty teenage girl talking to her mother.  Really???  Is that what Christmas is about?  I wanted to turn around and smack her.  Brat.  One of the few reasons I don't celebrate.  

Is Christmas over yet?

"...last Christmas/I gave you my heart/but the very next day/you gave it away/this year to save me from tears/I'll give it to someone special..." I don't know this is my favorite Christmas song, but it is.

Must start working on that goals/affirmations list for the new year.  No resolutions.  And the winter wish list.

All of a sudden I can't decide what I want for my new ink.  *sigh*  

Looking, looking, looking for a kitchen table.  Must get one soon so I can get to work.

Wishing, hoping, dreaming...him.  A girl can dream can't she.  I'm in a sappy love song mood.  *hmmph*

"...what would it take/to show you what you mean to me/every word I say/let's you know that you complete me/I'd paint your name in stars/I'd be all that you'd want in life/if given me the chance/I know I'd make the perfect wife/the way I feel about you/is more complex than the words I say/the reason I feel this way/I wanna do for you/it's easy to say I love you/so the truth of my love shall reveal/this feeling I have inside/I wanna do for you/can't you see true love/it's staring you right in your eyes/I've given you so much/your heart I'd never compromise/we've been through all the rights and wrongs in life/together we'll keep getting by/so now it's up to you/I want to be that perfect wife..."

I apologize for the lack of lists.  I couldn't log onto this site from the library because it's blocked.  I do have a couple of lists on my MySpace blog though.

1. TheFireFighter SAYS he wants to see me and take me out for pizza.  Right.  [I let him stop by, we did NOT go out for pizza.]
2. Mmmmm...warm, toasty, heat paid apartment.
3. Fucking smokers.  This is my air too.  Quit polluting it.  Why is my downstairs neighbor's smoke some how filling into MY apartment.  Blech.
4. I'm kinda shitty with him right now.  He's probably really busy, but I'm still shitty with him.
5. Looong ass work day AND it seems I've already offended one of my new coworkers at my new job.  You say curvy, I say hippy.  Get over it.
6. Hi, my name is Stephanie (Melissa's alter ego) I'm nice and kind of slutty.  [Yeah, I don't know.  I think I looked pretty damn good though.  Boobs all out.]
7. Boo at not having the shoes I ordered in stock, but still available for order online. :(
   
8. Yay for Chewy Lemonheads and Friends.
9. Woo hoo for three days off in a row. [It turned into two days so I could train at job 2.]
10. It's time for crocheting.  Gimme yarn.
11. I'm not sure how long I'm gonna do this phone as a modem thing.  The connection kind of sucks and it's REALLY slow.  I need speed.
12. I feel like such an ass.  That is NOT my grandfather's name, it's my uncle's.  Stupid security question.
13. Waking up every morning with my back in pain and hurting is NOT cool. 
    
14. Yeah, I think that crush is over.  Too many things I can see that aren't particularly my cup of tea.
    
15. FUCK!  Abnormal test results mean I must go back for more testing.  :(  Me no likey the hospital and it's not where I want to spend any of my two days off.
16. Vote!  Vote!  Vote!  I voted two weeks ago.  So glad I did that.
17. Go out tonight or don't go out tonight?  I think I shall stay in and rest up.  The holiday season is upon us and I have things to make and do.
18. SHUT THE FUCK UP.  I really wish I could poke my neighbor with a stick.  All that damn yelling and screaming. 
    
19. I want to be lazy on my days off.  Anyone want to come do my laundry for me.  I won't make you wash my unmentionables.
20. "...I'm realizing more and more that I'm less interested in sex for the sake of sex and more interested in the intimacy of having sex with someone that I have an emotional connection to."  Yeah, that's kind of how I'm starting to feel.  There are days when sometimes all I want to do is the dirty, but there seem to be a lot more days where I want to be held and cuddled and wake up next to someone I connect with and then do the dirty.  Does that come with age?
21. It seems like open marriages/relationships keep coming up on talk shows and blogs lately.  And while I don't think I'm a jealous person, I'm not sure how I feel about sharing.  Although I can't imagine just being with one person. 
    
22. Anyone want to cuddle with me tonight?
    

Only a few days left to register...you're online right now...go do it. And in honor of my favorite shirt and the upcoming election, I created this shirt: You can buy it here: http://www.cafepress.com/isrm Go buy it. And then vote. pleaseandthankyou

1. Learn another language and use it successfully.
2. Have and raise a child who contributes positively to society.
3. Fall in love.
4. Spend a week spoiling myself in various ways.
5. Lose 30 pounds.
6. Cook an entire meal from scratch
7. Go on a week long cruise.
8. Spend time with friends and family enjoying life.

This list started over a month ago. I'm a slacker. Sorry. Dude seriously, you don't tell your supervisor that you just took a hit off someone's joint while on your smoke break. I don't care what you do on your own time, but while your on the clock working with me...that's not gonna fly. Don't want anyone else talking to me? Get married? Boy, stop. You're not allowed to say anything to me during sexy time anymore. I have my own place!!! Whoooo ow! It's good to have a place to myself that's MINE! I can walk around naked. *grins* And have "company". *winks* And have dinner parties and good times. AND peace and quiet. Oh bed, how I've missed you. I will never leave you again. MUST. OBTAIN. FAN. Oh so happy!!! I have such GREAT and WONDERFUL friends. Always on time. Always there when I need them. Movies and a picnic at the IMA = fun...fun...fun... My ex got married today. *rubs arm* TheFelon is like the little brother I never wanted. The punching wars that ensue are quite entertaining at times. We have fun at work...throwing shoes at each other, sneaking up on each other, getting people kicked out of the mall. SHUT UP!!! If I have to hear you talk about shopping for another minute I'm going to stab you in the throat. It's okay for there to be quiet whilst at work...read your book and quite complaining. Why do I have so much lotion??? And to think I have a $10 off coupon that I feel the need to use...but do I really need to? NOT. AT. ALL. Am I going to use it? We'll see. [I didn't. Smart budget decision.] Isn't the point of being a delivery driver to drive yourself around? Since when did it become okay for your mother to drive you around while you deliver pizzas? Why oh why is L-Shot running around at bars and hip hop shows...take your pregnant ass home! Grey: Barack Obama Crowd: Barack Obama Grey: Barack Obama Crowd: Barack Obama Grey: John McCain Crowd: *silence* *Grey falls and rolls on the floor laughing* Hezekiah: I'm a scorpio and we do what we want. *thinks* Yeah we do. Things might not always come out as we want them to, but I guess that's just the nature of the beast. Um...I think I just witnessed a drug deal out in front of my building. Awesome. Blackberry Jam w/ Jumbo Shrimp = CWAZY!!! The jerks in the leasing office are really starting to get on my last nerve. Fix the damn faucet already, you fuckers. This is ridiculous. I'm still not completely unpacked yet. I'm not sure I'll ever be. And where the fuck did all these damn clothes come from? I hope I can sell off most of them. Otherwise Freecycle/Goodwill it will be. I need new bras. THAT ACTUALLY FIT. I think my male friends have made it harder for me to find someone to date. Combined they all possess these great qualities that I appreciate and compare others too. They're always there when I need them and leave me feeling very well loved and cared for. [Part of the reason I'm still in Indiana.] Contacting corporate got my shower fixed. Oh yeah baby. Now all they need to do is fill the damn holes they left and fix the other shit. TheFireFighter is finally and officially not in my life anymore. It was hard to cut him out, but I did it. I feel a little bad about it. I still have my doubts about telling him I didn't want him in my life. I'm not sure it was the right thing to do. It probably was for the better. He was just going to continue to disappoint and hurt me and I definitely don't need that. Worky, work, work, work. It really is nice to have my own place and food in the fridge. I know I went from a studio to a 1 bedroom, but I had a lot of stuff in that studio. Why does my apartment feel so empty? Oy, in a month and a half I'm going to be 29. My last year in my twenties. Weird. I so don't feel like I'm the age that I am. Where has all the time gone? Where is everyone??? VERY full week ahead. I can do it. I'm gonna make it. I apologize in advance to anyone I'm a little bitchy too. Working pretty much 13 days straight is not very fun. The pay check will look nice, but oy. Really??? You're bitching about the the EXTRA hours we gave you. We couldn't just dole out hours all willy nilly. There is a proper way to do things. Your bitching is only going to get you less hours when they hire more people. Is that REALLY what you wanted? You really shouldn't have gotten as many as you did. Ugh...some people are just never happy unless they're complaining about something. ...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go...let go... I'm already tired and the new week hasn't even started yet. I'm doing something. Who wants to join me?

A LONG list that's been marinating.  Basically I've been a little list lazy.  I'm thinking it's at least two or three weeks old.

Dickmatized...I am.  I have to get past it.  

"You have to wait a little a while before you can show someone your true self."  <--- I'm not sure how I feel about that statement. 

This situation effin' SUCKS.  I mean really...it does. 

Gotta get out of this funk!!!

"Just so you know, they don't serve Ding Dongs here."  Thanks Nick, I wasn't sure.

J.Moore made a real good comment about eating Ding Dongs.  I wish I could remember it.

I've heard quite a few people say that their mate makes them want to do better and be a better person and that's why they're with them.  I have a friend that makes me want to do better and be a better person.  That seems kind of weird to me.

Going back and reading my other blog...I think I write pretty well at times.  I don't know why I doubt my writing skills.

I'm not sure what I'm doing other than torturing myself.  :(

let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.let go.

When it's late and nice out and I just need time to myself, I really want to walk home sometimes.  I know it's not safe.  I'm thankful that I have friends that care enough not to let me do it.

change.change.change.change.change.change.change.change.change.change.change.change.change.

It HAS to happening.  It's coming.

"...let the boys make love/let me fuck ya from the back/hair pulling, hot wax/they won't do it like that/they won't tie you by your wrist/and spank ya lil sexy bad ass, cum quick/yeah I know you hard at work/yeah I know your boss a jerk/you can come to the platter/tie you up with your skirt...girl gon' lose your mind/let my dick touch your spine/cum four or five times/southside bump-n-grind/young lady stand in line/but I wanna fuck you/and all ya freaky dreams/I wanna make come true/like fucking on the back porch/go on let it out..."

I bet you can't tell what's been on my mind.

I had a potential client cancel a shoot we had set up, my gut told me she didn't want to work with me.  I was bored today and thought I'd check out her photos since I noticed she had a new profile photo and low and behold it appears she went with a photographer she actually questioned me about (I had nothing to say since I didn't know them or their work).  I hate to say it...I'm not the BEST photographer, but the images they gave her.  Eeesh...blurry, bad lighting and layouts and little creativity.  This definitely makes me more confident in the work I do.  Now if only I could figure out how to express that confidence...as I'm told I tend to come off very humble at times.

Why is it when you smile at old people they still look at you all grumpy grumperson?

I'm having bouts of wanting to settle down these days, but I really can't imagine what it'd be like to be committed to one person.  I think I'm a little scared and selfish, having to consider how my actions are going to make someone else feel.  Actually I know I'm a bit scared, I have to get past/passed that.

Consistency.  Very much needed.  Doesn't need to be in romantic relationship form.

You called at 330 just to hear my voice?  Dude the only reason you should be calling me that late is if you want have late night relations, I'm sleep.

"You make a dude wanna fall in love."  

Asking to see my portfolio over lunch/dinner = LAME.  Coffee...maybe.  Lunch/dinner sounds like you're trying to make a date of it.  I don't think so...especially since your by dropped the ball and said you've been trying to talk to me for months.

It doesn't impress me when men try to speak to me in tagalog.  I don't speak that language.  If anything it just annoys me because I don't know what's being said.  Quit showing off.  It's lame.

It's been so long since we've talked on the phone.  I enjoy catching up and just talking.

Hi-effin-larious

He's kind of right, I do sort of just drift along and go with the flow, which causes me to end up in the situations I end up in.  I probably need to be more aware of what's going on and gain a little more direction or who I might end up doing something dumb.

I LOVE sex.  Very much.  I forgot how much I really enjoyed it up until recently (I think a six month hiatus makes you forget sometimes.  I guess it's true, the more you get it the more you want it).  Partaking in hot sweaty, oh god yes, sex...can I get some more of that.  Even when there's no connection, let's just do this so we can both go on our merry little way sex.  There hasn't been any make sweet love sex in a looong time, but I bet that's pretty effin' good too.